Medical Air-rogance

Medical Air-rogance
by Gary M. Votour, MHCA

In the middle of February, 2006, I had been living in the neurosurgical ICU for the last few weeks hoping for my wife, Lyn, to wake up from a coma following a massive stroke. The stroke was a result of a high risk surgery to remove a cancerous vertebrae from her neck. Her surgeon had told us that the stroke had occurred becaus_dsc0213_475x316e Lyn had a congenital defect in her heart that had allowed a clot to reach her brain during the surgery. There was no evidence that this was the cause, and despite many tests in the coming weeks, there never was.

An expert neurosurgeon from another hospital had been flown in to consult on Lyn’s case. He had agreed with Lyn’s surgeon that the theory about her heart was valid and suggested some follow-up tests. While he was there he presented several of his cases to the surgical team of the hospital and, strangely, I had been invited to attend the presentation. I sat through a three hour presentation and watched with horror as he showed slides of his patients surgeries. I was the only person in the room not wearing a white coat. At the end he presented what he said was his most successful case.

He told us he couldn’t show pictures of the patient because the patient had not given consent, but that he had decided he could show what had been removed during the surgery. On screen was a female body, from the lower abdomen down, lying on a stainless steel table. The patient had a spinal cancer that was very advanced, and he had removed her hips and legs in order to save her life. He went on to tell the room how well she had done following the surgery, even recovering to the point where she was able to return to work as a secretary, although she had to sit in a bucket instead of a chair.

Then he explained that despite all he had done for her, she had let him down because years later she died from lung cancer. He said it was because she had so little respect for herself that she did not quit smoking. While many of the older doctors laughed along with him at that comment, most of the younger residents did not. I felt like I was in a room surrounded by humans who had fallen from God’s grace.

At the end of the presentation, I was waiting for the elevator when Lyn’s surgeon and the expert approached me. He said how much he respected me for staying by Lyn’s side, and reassured me that her surgeon had not caused the stroke. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with them. I turned away, and with a mouth tasting of bile, I said words I will forever remember… “No thank you. There would never be a restaurant large enough go hold both of your egos and still have room for me to sit in.” Foregoing the elevator, I walked down the nearby stairs, back to Lyn’s side.

Years later, I read what Max Lucado has written about air-rogance. He used the term to compare arrogance to climbing a mountain and breathing thin air.

“You can climb to high for your own good. It’s possible to ascend too far, stand to tall, and elevate too much. Linger too long at high altitudes, and two of your senses suffer. Your hearing dulls. It’s hard to hear when you are higher than they. Voices grow distant. Sentences seem muffled. And when you are up there, your eyesight dims. It’s hard to focus on people when you are so far above them. They appear so small. Little figures with no faces. You can hardly distinguish one from another. They all look alike. You don’t hear them. You don’t see them. You are above them.”

I realized that on that day I had briefly visited that mountain. What I saw there scared me so much that and I quickly climbed back down to reality. Many of the doctors in that room had been there so long they actually saw nothing wrong about their laughter regarding that patients death. They saw nothing disrespectful about that image of a discarded life, burned now into ca93bb6d5753fcf422bb810e3866a0e9my memory. Worse than all of that, they acknowledged they felt the visiting surgeon had the right to be angry and disappointed that his patient had shown HIM such disrespect. Only the newer ones, hoping to find acceptance amongst their seniors but not fully acclimated to the thin air, remained silent.

I believes God hates human air-rogance. It must make him very sad when people, especially doctors that he has gifted with great life-saving skill, decide to live on that mountain. I believe God hates to see his children fall from His grace. The Bible has much to say about pride and arrogance, many of which we have all heard before: “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom…. Do not keep talking so proudly or let your mouth speak such arrogance, for the Lord is a God who knows, and by him deeds are weighed… Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice… The eyes of the arrogant man will be humbled and the pride of men brought low… Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

The most relevant quote is in Obadiah 1:3 “The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, ‘Who can bring me down to the ground?’ ” Isn’t it amazing that words written so long ago continue to have such relevant meaning? “The pride of your heart” is the arrogance that comes from unbalanced egotism. I say “unbalanced” because egotism is not necessarily a terrible thing- it is much like self-confidence, and it can come from a sense of self-pride that is well deserved images (5)amongst those who have great skills bestowed upon them. Yet egotism must be balanced by great compassion and humility, for to be uncaring of those who have lifted you up to that mountain is to risk a great fall from God’s grace.

The cure to medical air-rogance is humility. C.S. Lewis once wrote “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” It means you think of others more than yourself… and is that not why most of you chose a career in medicine in the first place? “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3-4)

To those on that mountain, please… Come back down.

The thin air of air-rogance will not sustain you.
You can be forgiven you for being there, but only if you come back down.
When you find yourself breathing that thin air, look for the stairs.Mountain-Stairs-485x728 (1)

 

Advertisements

Suicide and Hell

Suicide and Hell
by Gary M. Votour, MHCA

In about two months it will be four years since my wife ended her own life. I still grapple with one very large question… does the act of ending one’s own life condemn us to an eternity of suffering? I believe the answer depends on what you hold as your own spiritual beliefs.

In the Roman Catholic Church, with its strict and literal interpretations of the Bible, the answer would be yes. They believe that suicide is a mortal sin, and that to die with unforgiven mortal sins condemns one to hell instead of heaven. They also hold as truth that Christ conferred the power to forgive sins only upon the apostles and their successors. Anglican and Eastern Orthodox Catholic churches generally agree with this position.

Since this view holds that only the Church itself can forgive sins, a person must do all that they can to ensure one enters eternity with the Church’s forgiveness for all their sins. This is why they administer “last rites” to those who are dying. Since the act of suicide would presumably take place after any possible administration of “last rites”, eternity is entered with unforgiven sins.

The Protestant Christian view of sins and how they are forgiven resembles the actual scriptures more than that of the Catholic position. Protestant denomination believe that the actual scriptures hold greater authority than that of any church. They direct one to Christ as the only true redeemer of mankind and his sins. The Evangelical Christian view holds that all sins are forgiven the moment one accepts Christ as savior. This includes all sins, past, present and future.

This view is mine. I look in the Bible and I find these words that support it:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” – Romans 10:13

“For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9

So we can see that one’s own beliefs and interpretation of the Bible must be what shapes the answer to this question. Let us return to the core question… does the Bible itself hold that suicide is justifiable at times?

I believe that the answer is yes, it does.

One specific instance is when the suicide is an act of redemption. Samson, a wayward Israelite judge, had allowed himself to be compromised and imprisoned by Israel’s enemies. His prayer and subsequent suicide appear to be pleasing to God because he was acting to atone for his transgressions. Another specific instance would be a soldier in combat who throws himself in the line of fire to save his comrades in arms. So atonement and selflessness would seem to be justifiable reasons to end one’s life.

Those instances do not apply to one who chooses a subtler form of suicide to end their own suffering, but since there are clear exceptions to the rule, there is room to explore further to find the answer. After all, where there is one exception there must be others.

What about the terminally ill, who have no hope of living and can not expect a high quality of life for what life remains? We accept that foregoing treatment and choosing hospice care is not a sin. It is simply a choice to let an illness run it’s course. See my previous post about the existence of hope in hospice care for more about that at https://fierceadvocacy.wordpress.com/2012/02/22/is-there-hope-in-hospice-care/

Going a step further, what about a person who is stable medically but in constantly increasing amounts of pain? Is it a suicide to stop eating and drinking and let starvation end one’s own life? If it is, does that constitute a sin that will condemn one to hell?

I’ve read a lot on this issue,
and there are no clear answers.

I only know what I know in my heart,
and that is where the answer, for me, must be.

My wife, Lyn, suffered greatly following a surgical stroke that left her mostly paralyzed. The surgery was to delay a congenital form of bone cancer that would have been fatal within a few years. The stroke destroyed parts of her brain that controlled motor control, pain perception and emotional control. After six months by her side in three hospitals, we had returned to our home, which was now an Intensive Care Unit. With 100 hours of staff coming and going weekly, I managed her home care for over two years. In that time she made great strides in recovery… she regained her voice and could eat some solid foods again. She would never walk. She would never smile. Worst of all, the pain she felt continued to increase to the point where to control it, she was practically sedated most of the time.

She fought for 27 months to recover as much as she could, despite the pain.  Awake and alert for only a few hours each day, she eventually decided to stop eating and drinking. She made us stop the tube feed. She said her goodbyes. After two weeks, she took her last breath with friends and myself at her side.

I have at long last concluded that she went to heaven, and no one can tell me otherwise. She had time to make her decision. She had the ability to decide for herself. Her death was not an act of redemption. It was not an act of selfless valor. It was simply what came next. Once no more progress in recovery could be made, she decided what was left of her life was not worth the pain and suffering that each waking moment caused her. So she simply stopped living. Although her technical suicide was a sin, it was forgiven before it was ever committed.

Christ loves us that much.
That is my belief, as it was hers.